Down 'n out with the Sunday night Blues

The boys are almost in bed.

Son#1 got to spend some time on the computer again for the first time in ages, and its influence on him is clear:  he turns into an evil bugger.

No more, my boy.

 

I've worked all day, studying, cleaning up for the cleaner (WHY???), and now I have lessons to prepare for tomorrow morning.

I've postponed it for as long as was humanly possible.

The sun was shining today for a while.

Glorious.

Son#2 and I took a back road on our way to his extra swimming lesson, which turned out to be cancelled - again.

But we had nice views of our village.

I'm looking forward to our new car ever so much.

A car that actually GOES and doesn't glug-glug all the way to your destination.

Pure bliss.

Work shmork.

It pays for the new car, after all, and that's it.

I wonder what will happen with the director of the faculty this week.

A colleague let me know that he was 'highly annoyed'.

Sigh.

 

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C'est Le Weekend: Highway Raisin Robbery

We have a busy day ahead.
Son#3 is cozying with me at home this morning (while I attempt to study).
I'll have to pick up Son#2 who fell off his bike this morning on his way to school and had to come back, poor sod.
He's been falling a lot lately.
Then lunch, swimming lessons, and rugby tonight.
I'm volunteering in the bar with my friend Sandra.

It's not going well at the company where my husband works.
But he seems energetic, like the threat of real change gives him energy instead of its defeating effect on me.

But the sun is shining.
Son#3 is happily watching TV as I write, eating raisins.
I'm getting a new car on Tuesday and we are flying to France in October, Copenhagen in December.
Lots to be grateful for!

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It's a fact

Oh yes it is.

I'm meeting my friend Estelle in Copenhagen on the 5th of December (which is Sinterklaas here in the Nether Lands, something akin to Christmas), and flying back again on the 6th.

Hello, decadence & ostentation.

The husband will have to do Sinterklaas on his own this year, probably at his parents'.

I won't have another opportunity to see Estelle in the foreseeable future.

I'm so excited, I can't wipe the grin off of my face.

Yeeha!

Son#3 and I celebrated by drinking tea at a local farm where we sometimes go to buy our fruit and vegetables, and where they have a little playground for kids.

A cup of tea for 1 buck.

But I woke to a furor this morning after my input on Tuesday's discussion at work.
All of a sudden I'm being called upon to defend/discuss my position.
Sigh.
Who needs stress?
Who??
The director of the faculty hates my guts, and never greets me.
It's not nice going into meetings where you know the aim is going to be to put you in your place.
Oh dear Lord.




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Winter in Copenhagen

My longtime friend from way-back-when-university-days, Estelle, half-Scottish, half-South African, will be in Copenhagen in December.

I'm going to try my damndest to meet up with her.

 

 

I feel so blooming decadent!

Ha!

(Where I'll get the money to actually go is another matter altogether, but going I am)

 

 

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Annoyances, annoyances

I spent a rainy morning in 's-Hertogenbosch, at our faculty meeting.
I didn't agree with a colleague's presentation and while he stood there, trying to convince myself and others of his argument, my heart was racing like a speed train.
But I didn't back down.
There is a Dutch proverb roughly translated to 'row with the oars that you have', but it doesn't help if you get into a leaky canoe in the first blooming place, when there is an infinite amount of working canoes to go around.

This is a colleague who takes credit for my ideas all the time.
He kept asking what solution I could then think of, and I thought, no.
I ain't falling for that ruse again.
I won't get credit for it anyway, and my interest isn't that piqued that I'm willing to do more than disagree with his (badly) chosen path.
One needs to put one's foot down with backstabbing you-know-whats.

I had a few quiet hours at home, and it was bliss.
I took a shower, forgot about work, drank tea and will study a bit before I pick up the boys.
One can only do so much in one day.

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Through the park, James

 

And don't spare the horses.

 

A new academic year has started - for myself at work, but also for my oldest 2 boys.

Son#2 has had stomach pain for weeks now, and I suspect that it was nerves.

 

The husband dropped them all off at school this morning - Son#3 complaining that he also wanted to go to the big school - and many kisses and waves at the window later, he could extract himself from Son#2.

 

Son#1 has the same teacher as last year - one that sees who he is and understands him, and he happily cycled away to school on his own.

A new phase in his life has started without us noticing.

He likes his independence.

 

I have a busy morning at work, catching up on stuff I should have done last year already, then meetings this afternoon and home again.

We had a bad night.

Son#3 was in and out of bed, sitting silently in the dark by my bed until I deigned to notice him.

But I'm thoroughly knackered this morning, and I suspect, so is he.

 

Sigh.

Tonight, early to bed.

 

 



C'est Le Weekend: Vroom

It seems that the good husband has very-almost bought me a car.

A cool one.

On Saturday, he had to go sign all the paperwork and show them our 1977-model vintage Volvo 240 for trade-in.

The Volvo needs love, and we don't want to love it anymore.

The new car is cool:  no leather seats and not incredibly super-duper fast, but coming from the Volvo, it feels like I'm going to be cruising in a dog-gone Rolls Royce.

(At least, those things bother the husband and most men, I assume, but I'm content with very little so I'm very, very glad.)

After having followed the Autoimmune Protocol now for 14 days, I've lost 4kg.

Although this wasn't my intention in the first place, and I just wanted to feel healthy, I'm very happy with the weight loss too.

Not to mention that I have more energy, and my moods seem to even out (even with PMS which normally turns me into Momzilla).

I don't get that horrific hunger constantly anymore.

I feel in control (of what I don't know, but control is control!).

Even keeping the house clean-ish seems to be less of a challenge.

The weekend has come and gone and I did an assignment for my university courses and we we went to a birthday party on Saturday (also my dad's birthday).

On Friday I saw the endocrinologist for the latest test results.

It seems that my cortisol levels are awry, and I'll be admitted to hospital within the next 2 weeks for extra tests.
I'm assuming that I'm being tested for Addison's disease.
Bummer.

Son#3 is still feeling poorly, and so is the husband. 

This week will be better, I'm sure.

School is starting tomorrow again and so is the university where I teach.
All is ready and we are set to go.

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The Good News

The Good News is that we booked a cheap-o flight to the South of France for the 5 of us in the autumn holiday.

It worked out to be much, much cheaper than driving there, and even if we're eating into our savings, we need to LIVE too.

And we needed something positive to look forward to.

Yay!

 

The not-so-good-news is that I'll have to go see a jaw surgeon to look at a cavitation in my jaw, caused by a root canal gone horridly wrong.

Sigh.

Oh well.

I won't be able to chew and that might just be a good thing.


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Divinity

My three sons and I are home today.

Son#1 is feeling under the weather, preferring his pajamas to proper clothes.
We are slowly but surely getting ready to move him to his own room (a.k.a. scooting Son#3 out of his room and moving him in with Son#2 - who will then get to sleep on the top bunk bed).

Son#1 is getting big.
He bought a Minecraft-poster with his very last birthday bucks, and then he actually bought a toy car for each of his brothers, and a bottle of water for me.
Bless!

Meanwhile, it seems that autumn is here again with blustery showers, hail and wind.
I ordered new boots to replace my well-worn ones that the cat scratched on top when I just had them for a week.
My last clothing purchase for this year.

And with my birthday gift voucher I got from the husband, I ordered a book for the boys (nice tip, Roos!) and an Adele CD that makes me think of my dad.

I showed my face at work quickly yesterday, Son#1 and #2 in tow, and came home to spend the next 6 hours working non-stop.
I'll work a bit more today and tomorrow - spreading the work out a bit so I don't freak out.

My dad's birthday is on Saturday.
Most days my brain simply cannot comprehend what has happened.
And perhaps it is better that way.
Son#3 often tells me things about my dad, and that is comforting.
We are still connected.

This is what I put up with

Three outlaws.

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The Day After

Like I told you yesterday, I took the boys out for cake and watched them eat it, without saying thank you etc.
They ran riot in the shops, and Son#1, who had brought along his birthday money, bought himself a radio controlled car, promising to buy his 2 brothers something as well (he didn't).

At home again, the general mayhem and fighting was interspersed with Son#2's whining and tantrums - he also wanted a radio controlled car.

Then the SECOND car (the slightly boring suburban one which fit wonderfully into our budget) we were in the process of purchasing, was sold out from under our noses.
The SECOND CAR.
How is that possible??
Whazzup Universe.

By 4 o'  clock when Son#2's whining reached a crescendo, I got in my car and went to buy 2 damn radio controlled cars for Son#2 and #3 just so they could shut the hell up (bad parenting, I know, but come on, it was my birthday for crying out loud).

By 5 o' clock I took a shower, and lay on my bed, buck naked, not worried about my boobs sagging into my armpits after breastfeeding 3 babies, thinking for a long time.
Then I told the husband to take care of dinner, got in the car and went to a movie on my own, about a woman who got screwed, got clever and then dangerous (which was kind of how I felt).
And that, dear Reader, is how I spent my 40th birthday.


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C'est Le Weekend: Four Oh [dear]

So this is 40 years of age.
The husband had gone to so much trouble to set up a breakfast for me - with bunting, flowers, and small gifts.
I didn't expect anything, to be quite honest.
It was lovely!

It hit me last night that most of my nice 'firsts' are over.
No more first steps (unless I get a stroke and survive!) or (hopefully the only) first time you get married.

The 'firsts' now are sometimes nasty things too:  This is my first birthday with my dad gone.
His still being with us, would have been my best present.
Ever.

Life is bittersweet.

I'm taking the boys out for a piece of cake somewhere - basically so I can watch them eat it, as cake for me is a no-no.

Hey ho, here we go.


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Roaring

One benefit of having an old-car-but-not-willing-to-drive-it-anymore, is that one doesn't go anywhere, and neither does one spend money.
One makes do with what one has - food in the house, cleaning stuff, cooking proper food.
Even the kids have taken to the playroom, Playmobil and Duplo, the TV long forgotten.

The search for a new vehicle continues.
I spent half the day looking at cars on the internet, and found a cool replacement for the one we missed yesterday.
But it is also on the pricey side, and we may just decide to buy a boring old suburban car and use the other money one day for a new bathroom that doesn't leak.
There are options still, and if one has options, one should count one's blessings, methinks.

The most spectacular news I have today is that I, a vegetarian for the last 20-odd years, ate bacon.
And it tasted good.
Ha!
I'm already plotting to ask the husband to start making biltong (a South African dried meat snack, close to American beef jerky, I guess), and thinking about how I can get the boys to switch from their largely carbohydrate diet (bread for breakfast & lunch, pasta for dinner) to a healthier meat & veg based one.

I listened to an interview with Tim Noakes on Youtube, about how his overall inflammation in his body dropped after he cut out all carbohydrates, and with Son#2 and #3's continuous bronchitis/asthma/pneumonia infections, it makes sense to me.
And (if you're too lazy to listen to the 17 minute clip on Youtube), did you know that the food pyramid we've all been relying on since 1977 was set up by a vegan with no nutritional training?
Kind of shocking if you consider the booming rates of obesity, cancers, and heart disease we've been experiencing since then.
All the scientific evidence points towards the benefits of the Paleo lifestyle.
There.
My lecture finished.

So, dear reader, today is my last day of being in my thirties, and when I think about it - after never having worried about my age before, even forgetting how old I am - it makes me feel quite emotional.
Being on the Autoimmune Protocol, means no wine to chin-chin myself into the next decade of what is hopefully still a long life ahead.
But sparkling water with a smidgen of lemon juice works a charm too, so cheers.
May health, peace, happiness, love and enough money in the bank to feel comfortable, be the blessing to all who read this.
Sayonara, 39.
Hello, meat munching mid-life.


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We live by signs #2

It hasn't really been my day.
I've been fighting with Son#1 all morning, many of the incidents were minor, but I freaked out a bit.
If you have the same arguments with the same person day in, day out....

Six weeks with kids-with-manuals during the summer holidays, are too many for me.
I need a blooming break.

Then this afternoon, the car the husband went to buy, turned out to be sold already.
We put in so much time to make a damn decision (budget, type, kilometers, age...) and for us, at this apparent deer-in-the-headlights-phase where we seem to be frightened of making any decision whatsoever,  the blow hit me hard.
Oh well.
Some self-pitying sobs later, and the acknowledgement that nothing seems to work out today (and I ain't kidding), I'm changing tactics.
It'll have to be a cheaper, less exciting car then.
It's just a car, getting us from A to B (hopefully).
And we'll have saved money too, which is great, right?
Right???

My cousin turned 40 today in South Africa, newly single, but also a new mother with a baby boy barely 2 weeks old. 
Life could be harder.

On Friday, I'll be a smack-bang 40 years old. 
And although age doesn't bug me, it feels awfully close to 50, when you're supposed to have your shit together, you know.


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We start again (in many ways)

We're back from Germany, and it was absolutely lovely.
An inexpensive, clean-though-retro-seventies apartment.
The landscape dotted with rolling hills and forests, castles galore.
If you live in the Nether Lands, rest assured that hills are a big deal.

We went out for dinner twice, one Italian and one Thai-Chinese restaurant in Frankenburg, which belonged to the Franks, as in Saxons versus Franks-saga.
Lo-ve-ly.

Yesterday the husband was still off work, and we drove to Eindhoven to look at a car and go to the Eindhoven Museum.
And what a great place it was!

But the boys were killing each other off all morning, and after sleep - interrupted, as in every night - our fuses were short.

I got my blood test results back but they were inconclusive.
This caused quite a bit of public tears in some German town we were in at the time.
I just want answers.

I have another appointment with the endocrinologist on the 22nd of August, and some more blood tests to test my cortisol.

But I've also started the Autoimmune Protocol, which for a fussy sometimes fish-eating vegetarian, is tough.
I'm trying this for a month and will then see how that goes.
The aim is just to feel better, GET better, have energy and less pain.
I've heard some good things about it.
The detox of day 1 and 2 was tough:  no more coffee, no more wine, and the same goes for bread (or any gluten or grain), nightshades, dairy, eggs...
You might be wondering what I eat then?
Well so far I've had baked broccoli for breakfast, I snack on some fruit (not a lot), mostly carrots, sweet potato, onions, mushrooms and salmon.
I'm working up the courage to eat meat again, but that won't be happening today, I can tell you.
Pretty soon I'll be eating steaks for breakfast, harhar.

Today the boys have been lounging around, alternately playing in the playroom, fighting and watching TV.
Right now, they're hanging like loose rags in front of the TV, with popcorn.
The weather is unpredictable - raining and then followed by beaming sunshine.
A never-ending cycle today (thank you, Left-Overs of Hurricane Bertha).
And in the quiet interludes, I study like a woman possessed.
Sigh.





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Home Sojourn

We are home again, ever so briefly, before driving to Germany where we found an uber-cheap apartment in the middle of bloomin' nowhere.
We ain't complaining - we're grateful for another break before work, buying a new car, studies etc. will all start again.

The week on the farm turned out to be a good experience, one which the boys will cherish, judging by the sad, bereft faces of 3 young men when we jumbled them into the car for the drive home.

And the husband and I had interesting conversations with our interesting farmer, we played gin rummy by candlelight and I squished spiders in the tent 'bedroom' before bed - the spiders being of the run-towards-my-reading-light-variety, giving me a 'Here's Johnny'-fright every night.
I'm not good with bugs.

We came home on Friday armed with a near-mortal tiredness and I took Son#2  to the GP, and he turned out to have pneumonia.
Oi vey.


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