The good news is that I have a brain. And it's a working brain too. Confirmed by the neurologist himself yesterday morning. He chucked me around on the examination table and made me follow his finger with my eyes for a long time, then declared me healthy.
Unfortunately he's sending me for more tests to see if I have (working) veins and arteries next week, but so far I'm chuffed as can be with the brain-news.
Who would have thought?