Summer is magic

Summer is just around the corner

(I know I'm being overly optimistic, but what the hell, you only live once - if this reincarnation-thing doesn't pan out.  You might as well enjoy it.) 

Come on Summer! 

Man on a mission

Half a day:  That's what it took for me to turn into the Magnificent Monster Mother again. 

A world away we were relaxed, nice people, kind parents. 
One half day of work and all my good intentions were washed away. 

My poor Son#1:  The step from 'holiday' to 'back at school' was quite big for him yesterday.  When I picked him up, he started crying and said that his stomach hurt. 
Then he had a melt-down in the car on the way home, which resulted in me having a melt-down.
At home, he told me that he hated himself and even proceeded to draw a picture of himself which he crossed out.  My heart breaks.

Oldest children have a lot of incompetence to endure from their incapable parents. 
Sadly my actions and words don't always match my feelings of love for my children. 
Son#1 is such a fragile creature.  I really should remember the words 'handle with care' everytime I look at him. 

Sometimes it feels like I'm the only mother in the world that struggles with this parenting-thing.  It's lonely, I promise you.

A sleepless night later during which I vowed to be kind, patient, calm.  And so far, it has worked too.  One day at a time.

Son#2 started school officially today.  This morning he had a slight panic attack in the car, saying that he wants to go back to daycare, together with Son#3. 
Luckily a kind teacher took him by the hand and made him feel welcome.

This afternoon I'll pick up the boys and we'll go have ice cream.  Yum!


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Favourite Pasttime

Chucking things in the big basket

Today back at work...  Sigh.
On Friday night my laptop crashed with all our pictures on it...
Even Son#3's birth pictures.
The husband is clever.
He says we might be able to save it all...

First things first:  teach my classes and breathe in and out....

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C'est Le Weekend: And now from the top

Gorgeous from up here too.

It's our last day in Roquebrun.

Tomorrow morning we have to leave, driving to Orleans to spend the night.

Today we have to sort out the nitty gritty of packing up and preparation for our journey.

Yesterday I checked my work email, and started worrying about the results of all

my medical tests.  There is no point to all of this, but still...

The barn next to La Rive is also being converted into a house.

Wish I could just stay here for a few years and REST.  Regroup my thoughts.  

Start thinking about what makes me happy again instead of just surviving from day-to-day.

This week I felt a tiny little twinge of what it must be like not to have stress in my entire body.

A tiny speck of relaxation emerged.

This morning I walked to the bakery on my own, the solitude was wonderful.

After all this white bread and cheese I think we might need to detox for a whole year.

In two month's time we are moving to our new house.

Today, on the other side of the planet, my parents are moving out of their beloved, but now too big, home.  They are coming to stay with us for the summer, and I can't wait.

Extra help with the kids and home and life.

Now going to scrape together all my positivity and enjoy this day.

Have a wonderful weekend!

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Early morning: Roquebrun

Fetching baguettes

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The virtues of being lazy

Our Wednesday was like no other we've had in a long time.  

We started the day off eating baguettes and cheeses and jams, fresh grapefruit juice, yoghurt.  

At 12 we had lunch with wine and baguettes, cheeses, jams and yoghurt.

A scenic drive, a visit to the supermarket to buy more cheeses and wine, and then it was time for dinner again, very uninspiring Calamari & chips from the oven.  Not forgetting the wine of course.

Went to bed early last night.  

We contributed nothing to society yesterday other than simply being.

And we liked it.

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Now that's what I call

Garlic cloves!

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A very good day

Agde turned out to be a bit of a dud.  
Granted, a few nice squares here and there and I love it that they used the volcanic rock in all the buildings. 
We went for a quick walk through the streets, bought croissants, were followed by a swearing ten year-old boy on a bike, walked back to the car and headed for Cap d'Agde.  

Beautiful beach.  Quiet.  Sunshine and 17 degrees.  Not too shabby for 'winter' in the Northern Hemisphere.  The boys even stuck their feet in the Mediterranean.  

My creative husband built a work of art with shells and a stick, what a pity that it was too big to take back with us in the car.

The boys dug holes with the shovel we had in the car while I fed Son#3 his croissant.  
He eats yoghurt and croissants, if that's not a French enfant I don't know what is. 

I simply love it here.  The light is wonderful.  I'm a world away from work and petty problems and mountains of stress.  I drink wine at 2 in the afternoon.  I'm a nicer person.  
Why can't I live here instead, Universe???

 Sigh.


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Sleeping Beauty

Note the spot of drool on the couch.

Son#2 is sick.  Ran a fever of almost 39 degrees for the last two days.
Not one to feel overly sorry for himself, he just carries on until we sit in the car and he can lean on my arm, or until we're back at the house and we switch the TV on.
Then he'll resign himself to the fact that he can lie down and he finally closes his eyes.
Takes a bomb to wake him up after he's dozed off on the couch.

Kids can be so sweet and vulnerable when they're sick.
Son#2 is a mixture of sweetness and crankiness.

Today we're off to Agde, on the coast.  
A city built from volcanic rock.
Lots of Greek influences.

Hope it's nice.  
Hope all the kiddies are feeling better 
and that everyone is up to being 
co-operative.

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Beloved Saint Chinian

The end of the market early Sunday afternoon

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When in France

Buy Baskets.

Lots of them!

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Note to self: Adjust your Expectations

This morning - what a blessing - we woke up in this gorgeous house in a beautiful town.  
The night wasn't great - Son#3 and I are a bit sick, my poor bunny coughed and snottered his way through the nightly hours, this morning he has a Marlon Brando-voice.

Every time we go on holiday, I seem to believe that everyone will magically be harmonious, willing to listen, stress-free, open to new perspectives.  And I have to admit that I also hope to be all these things. 

This morning as Son#2 is regurgitating all the swear words that the 'adults' spat out in the car, I have to hang my head in shame.  I suck at this Coping-With-Life-thing.  

Perhaps it really is just that I have to adjust my expectations:  That we don't leave our stress and difficult personalities behind at the border.  Unfortunately.  

Yesterday as we drove through France, it dawned on me that lots of my anger and frustration and resentment is tied up with my expectations of how things and people should be.  
Inevitably, I am disappointed.  
I need to work on this if I want a happy life.

We are only here for a week!  Better make the best of it.   



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Nothing Toulouse

We made it. 
It is now half past nine on a Saturday night and the giggling, screaming and semi-fighting has just died down next door in the boys' room. 

May I just say how gorgeous La Rive is?  That we have views of Roquebrun's old town and ruin at the top of the village from all the rooms and that the photos couldn't possibly do this place justice?  That we got a bottle of wine waiting for us from the owners when we stepped inside?  

I'm chuffed, well chuffed.

(Boring, I know, adding another photo of Roquebrun...)

It was an ordeal getting here although travelling with young kids always generally falls in the 'ordeal' category.

But it was a stressful week with medical tests and work and no sleep.

Last night we slept in a lovely hotel just outside Paris, well, we tried to sleep.  Finally managed to doze off this morning at 5 am.  Son#2's asthma medication seems to be the nasty culprit that turned him into a vampire, albeit not the blood-sucking kind so much as the energy and sleep-sucking kind.

Tonight he's gone to bed without the Ventolin or Fluoxitide inhalers.  We need sleep more than he needs clear airways.

Even 10 month old Son#3 had bags under his eyes this morning.  

We finally left Paris at 10 am, much later than planned.  Only arrived here at almost 8 pm after a full day's driving.  The poor boys started asking the dreaded 'Are we there yet' before we had even put 10km between us and the hotel.  I always marvel how we arrive alive even after all the tantrums and bust-ups in the car.  And I have to admit that I have enormous respect for the boys being able to keep their boisterous energy semi-under control despite being cooped up in a car for a whole day.

The tests I had yesterday pointed out that I have an exaggerated sympathetic nervous system reaction.  Will see what this all means when I see the neurologist.  

But right now, I'm in the South of France, a dream of a home in a dreamy village, and I plan to sleep well tonight.. 

I hope you do too.

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C'est Le Weekend: En vacance

And we're almost off on holiday!  Today two more tests in the hospital to check my veins in my head and neck, picking the boys up from their various schools and then...  THEN we're off to Paris, en route to the south.  

All three boys were awake most of the night.  Tonight I'm drugging their little behinds with some good quality melatonin.  Especially Son#2, who instigated the mutiny.   
Patience goes when sleep eludes me, let me tell you.

Due to a bit of a flood, we're going to a different house than planned - La Rive - in gorgeous Roquebrun, mmmmm, also beautiful.  In the photo below, the house is more to the right, not on the photo, on the edge of town.

On Tuesday I had the tilt table test that I had dreaded so much.  
It actually went ok-ish.  
Much better than the previous experience.  
I had a lovely nurse who held my hand and was kind and patient enough to explain the whole procedure to me.
Won't be signing up for the test for fun and entertainment purposes, but I'm glad it all went better this time around.
Now all that is left are my two tests this morning, and then to discuss the results with the cardiologist and neurologist in a few weeks' time.

What I fear most is being told that I'm no longer allowed to drive...
Won't help much getting all worried about that now - I will just have to wait and see and take things as they come.

As with everything in life, right?
Wishing you a wonderful end of the week! 







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Jailbird

But his mommy loves him

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Fudge if you dare

Curse the day that I found this recipe in my Jamie Oliver magazine.

There is another tin of condensed milk in my kitchen cupboard, 
and I know how to use it.... 

Unfortunately a bit of sweet richness never scared me off, so I'm prone to scoffing an entire batch of fudge if no one is watching or checking up on me.

This is a ridiculously easy fudge recipe, a Jamie Oliver original!
I've added sea salt as per Jamie's recipe - it contrasts beautifully with the sweetness of the fudge.

NOTE:
Always be careful when making fudge - it is incredibly hot and can burn the living daylights out of you.  Some handy words of advice:  Don't lick the spoon...

Not recommended for making together with kids!

STUPENDOUS FUDGE

Ingredients:

1 tin of condensed milk
sea salt

1 tin of caster sugar
&
line an oven dish with some baking paper
anything with a bit of an edge all around)

 Method:

Simply tip the tin of condensed milk into a heavy pan. 
When you've scraped out all the condensed milk, fill the tin with caster sugar and add to the condensed milk.

Heat slowly and keep stirring until all the sugar has dissolved.
When the sugar has dissolved, turn the heat up a bit.
Keep stirring.
The fudge will start forming darker clumps.
This is normal!
Just keep stirring.
Add some sea salt and stir.
Pretty soon the condensed milk starts turning dark all over.
When the colour is similar to that of baking paper, then it is ready.
This could take anything from 10-15 minutes.
Carefully tip out the fudge into the lined oven dish/baking tray.
Spread out to fill the dish.
While it is cooling down, start cutting into pieces - you will need to do this a few times.

Let cool, store in an airtight container. 
Enjoy!

PS:  the crumbs are great with ice cream (but I usually eat those before we get a chance to even buy the ice cream)!




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French Romance Revisited

Our holiday is a beautiful fact:  3 more nights and we'll be picking the boys up from school and zipping through to Paris for the night, driving south the next morning.  I can't wait!

Work has obviously caused quite a few ruptions this week, conflict with management, some valuable colleagues were let go.  
Praise the stars that I have a permanent contract.  

The husband and I have decided to start unwinding this week already.  We always end up being overstressed on holiday and then only starting to relax just before we have to go back home again.

Sometimes we even think that the holiday is just another thing to get done.  One more thing to tick off the list of many other things that need attention.

All luxury problems, I know.  
We are priviledged to be able to go away for a week.
Am thankful!  

Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!







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Monday Again

Monday morning and the world is finally starting to defrost.  Am tired of the cold now.  
Luckily just 4 more nights, a few medical tests, a small mountain of work and then we're off to France.  Glad glad glad!  Even if it's only for a week, I'm glad.  

Today I'm working from home.  Son#3 is sick.  His temperature dropped to 34 degrees last night and he turned half blue.  Don't know what's up with my bunny, but I'd rather be with him today.

This week we'll have to finish everything in the fridge, will start working with weekly menus again after the holiday.  That worked for me.  Didn't chuck so much food away in the dustbin.

I'd like to clean the house before we go on holiday, just in case we keel over and die and leave all this mess behind. Some of the dust and dirt might just follow us into the afterlife, and let me assure you, that is one helluva scary thought.

Tomorrow the dreaded tilt-table test.  Will just allow everything to happen to me this week.  Not too much kicking against everything and flailing about of arms over things I can't control.  

Feel a bit beaten and down, but will try my utmost to perk up a bit.  It must be the tests and the weather and the lack of sleep.

This too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass.

(Bless you Ann Landers for this quote).

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Cloud formations over Antwerp

Ominous

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4 Years

Son#2 is 4 years old today!
We started this morning at 5h40.  
It seems that every single gift we bought makes a helluvalot of noise.  Sigh.

He got that cool Paper Jamz guitar, a train that can't switch off and a police car with siren.  NOISE.  No good deed goes unpunished.


In the meantime mr. Stomach Bug moved into my house, I'm its first victim and we're going to the pancake house this afternoon with the in-laws.  
Will see how mr Stomach Bug feels about this though.

Our kind, exceptional Son#2.  The calm with which he opened every gift.  Amazing.  


Would really like to be Kind, Happy and Calm Mother today.  Even though I don't really feel like it.
Wish me luck.
Wish us all luck!

Two-toothed Wonder

Did I mention that I have the most fantastic baby in the history of mankind? 

The coolest kid in town!

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C'est Le Weekend: The good news

The good news is that I have a brain.  And it's a working brain too.  Confirmed by the neurologist himself yesterday morning.  He chucked me around on the examination table and made me follow his finger with my eyes for a long time, then declared me healthy.

Unfortunately he's sending me for more tests to see if I have (working) veins and arteries next week, but so far I'm chuffed as can be with the brain-news.

Who would have thought?

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Praise the heavens

For brotherly love

every now and again

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Working Day Go Away

Spent the night with fussy Son#3 whose teeth are seriously bothering him, alternated by lying awake thinking about work and stress and how to get rid of it all.  Sleep wasn't to be mine last night.

Had it out with my boss yesterday, some of my extra hours will be paid, the rest of my schedule must be adjusted to fit into my hours.  After my talk with him yesterday, I wrote a long stinging letter.  Today the emotion has died down and I mostly find it a sad affair:  He said that most workers work overtime.  Surely this can't be a good thing?

My time is valuable.  
About 20 years ago I bought a little book, 'Buddha's Little Instruction Book' by Jack Kornfield.  In it, the most precious thing I've ever heard:  

The trouble is, you think you have time.

Could anything be more true?  
You think there will be time left to give the child you snubbed this morning a kiss again this evening, to speak kind words to the husband, to phone your parents.  
But things don't always work that way.

Remuneration for  work compensates me for my time away from the people and things that bring me joy and peace, things that provide me with energy.  
Hopefully, work is also a source of energy in one's life.
It seems only fair then, managers of this world, that you compensate workers well for the time they endeavour to help you look good.  

My life might be short or long, I won't know until I get to the end.  
Time is such a precious commodity.  
Underestimated.  
I'm just going to kiss almost everyone today.





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Rough Seas Ahead

Brace yourself.
Time to solve the conflict at work.

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Tripping up

So yesterday we spent the day at Naturalis - a natural history museum in Leiden.  It was kind of a harrowing weekend, the boys, well, being the boys, and us, well being us.  
In short, we had some clashes...
The complete lack of sleep that I've had over the past week plus a few years before that, also didn't help matters much.
I was so looking forward to a nice day out.  Sigh.

The museum itself is fantastic.  We let the boys run wild.  
Lots of stuff they could do and touch.  
Only one security guard to worry about kicking us out.  
Nice kid-friendly cafetaria.  I had time to read stuff!!!

After our stint out in the cold, safely back home, they watched Yogi Bear and ate popcorn under their duvets on the couch, whilst whining for more things to eat and drink.  Sigh.

Forgot about dinner. 
My house is a mess, yet again.  But who gives a hoot.  
Today is a new day.  New chances, right?







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Nelson

 

The nastiest cat in the world

and yet we love her.

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C'est Le Weekend: Bundle Up

Have I incessantly mentioned how cold it is here?  

We live in a cold house.  

An old cold house. 

Built before they started insulating floors.  

Built when they still used wooden floor beams and left space open for the air to circulate underneath, so the beams wouldn't rot.  

People were probably a lot tougher way back when than they are now.

I need to regroup my thoughts and rid myself of stress.  That's a tall order for one weekend.

As Nike says:  Just do it.

And as to the question of how I'm supposed to tackle this mammoth task?

Like my dad says: 

How does one eat an elephant?  

Piece by piece.

Don't know if he speaks from experience, but it sure makes sense to me.

A warm, stress-free weekend is my wish.

Hope you have one too.

Aaaaaaah!

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Robert Smith

I loved you when I was 14.

Thank goodness it didn't work out.

Beach swing

Minus 12 outside.  

I want at least 23 degrees and be able to go around barefoot.

I wouldn't even mind the day being cloudy.

The cold came too late this year.

We were hoping we could sing out winter without another car window

that had to be scraped ice-free in the morning.

Son#2 is meeting his primary school teacher this morning,

so we have to go outside.

The canals are starting to freeze over and they

expect the frost to continue to the end of next week.

An Elfstedentocht might even be possible!

I'll watch it from the comfort of my centrally heated home, thankyouverymuch.

Have a warm & good Friday!

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Do before you die

 

Everyone should see Ronda at least once before they die

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Frozen states

The whole of Europe is gripped by a gigantic freeze.  As I write, it is minus 7 degrees outside; the thermometer won't even reach zero today. 
In the Ukraine and Poland, 60 people have already died from exposure and hypothermia.  
I'm so thankful for central heating and warm jackets and hot water bottles in bed.  
Wish everyone could have that. 
Heat, food, water:  such basic necessities.


Son#1 had a market at school today to raise money for a children's home in Ghana.  We made fudge (will post recipe later) which sold for 10 cents a piece. 
It wasn't very popular.  
Don't Dutch people know fudge??  
Unfortunately I ended up bringing most of it home again, and we all know where THAT will end up (guilty look on face with overstuffed cheeks).


We bought other things too:  African masks that the kids painted, little second-hand trinkets, a drawing of a dragon and some pastries.  

Now we're home early on a Wednesday afternoon and Son#1 and Son#2 are watching The Little Mermaid while Son#3 is trying his best to stand on his head in his playpen.  


I'm going to attempt cleaning our house....

Waiting

 

For Daddy to come back