New language then

.

The smoking gun

This year was different.
The husband and I both started new jobs.
We have grown closer, more honest, and I love it and him.

Son#1 started high school, struggling with focus and homework and a tempo he still hasn't grown used to.
We clash a lot in getting him to SIT, FOCUS, STUDY and BE INTERESTED.
It doesn't always help.
My first born also started heavy ADHD medication, and flashes in and out of puberty (because hell, why not?).
He remains a worry:  the school coordinator told me that he is Pupil Zero - the shining example of how the school should never, EVER approach gifted kids again.
Heartwarming (not).

Son#2 is doing better at school this year - apparently he is somewhat of an Alpha Male on the playground - who would have thought?
The Alpha with the tiny heart.
Mr Overcompensation.  
If you don't want to be bullied anymore, Become the Bully.
Mmmmm.

Son#3 still milks his baby-status, a bit bored at school, and we're still in two minds about sending him to a school for the highly gifted.
One can only tell in retrospect if a decision was the right one, after all.
We made a mistake with Son#1, methinks.

Aside from the fact that I fervently hope and trust that I will win the Lottery this evening, I also hope to drink less, eat better, sleep more, study hard and love even harder this coming year.
And think of the sick and displaced people around the world who only wish to survive this coming year, if they even think that far ahead.
Not only think of them, but DO something about it.

This year was good and bad.  
We did wonderful things - Canada and Amsterdam and museums and dinners together, 

Hopefully, when 2018 is done and dusted and I'm still around, I will have answers to health questions that still won't leave me be, and will I have a life that isn't defined by constant and pounding pain, fever and fatigue 24/7.
Some days I cannot imagine carrying on like this any longer.

I have a family and a job and one keeps going.

To conclude, I am thankful - for the family, for the job that kept me going despite pain and fatigue.
For trips abroad and closer by.
Enough money, enough food.
We're not displaced people.
Just a bit sick.
It can always be far worse.


.

Boys will be boys

.

4 years

We miss you daddy-o.

Dearly.

.

Hallowed

Son#1 had his first school dance last night.

We decked him out with fake blood, fake stitches and a cheapo children's chainsaw.

He was still sleeping when Son#3 and I left for swimming lessons.

I've spent my week studying science philosophy for social sciences and of course, working and avoiding my colleagues.

I've never worked in such a team of mean and unthinking people.

The stupid/mean combination is lethal.

Kindness!!!!

Above everything!!!!

I won't be staying there for long, methinks.

One reflects one's environment after a while, and I miss intelligent, THINKING colleagues that I had at the university.

Oh well.

A quiet weekend lies ahead.

Looking for kids' winter clothes in the attic.

Work preparation.

Cleaning the house.

And perhaps to a museum in Dordrecht where the Netherlands was declared a country.

.

Ground Control to Major Tom

We've had a strange autumn break.
The husband and I went to Maastricht and Aachen on Saturday and Sunday (the boys were dropped off at the in-laws').
On Monday an emotional funeral for the husband's uncle, who passed away due to a brain tumour.
The boys' behaviour was exemplary.

The rest of the week was spent trying to clean the mess after our cleaning lady failed to show up - again.
She has problems, but hell, so do I.

Things #1 and #2 have been butting heads and various other limbs all week.

Today was Son#3's swimming lesson during which I get to spend a blissful hour studying every week.

Then groceries and the husband took the boys down to the little beach with pond we recently discovered, about 5 minutes from home.

They took the metal detector with and 'found' some coins (which the husband had scattered).

Son#2's friend was there too, swimming, in this cold.
Of course, the temptation to get wet far outweighed Son#2's sensibilities.
Live a little.
Right?



.

Still here

All has been quiet on the Western front.
My not-so-new-anymore job at the vocational college is still going strong, but working 4 days a week with 3 mad children, Midlife Crisis Man and some vague autoimmune disease kind of sucks the life juices out of you.

Healthwise, nothing much has changed.
Son#1 has started high school and puberty, we fight often and chaotically.
If I have to spend another 5 years forcing him to do his homework, I may not survive...

Winter is well on its way and this adjustment period with my new job/life away from the varsity seems like summer has been swallowed and digested - a looooong time ago already.

The husband has started a new job and he, like me, is slightly autistic and change scares the bejesus out of us.
But, like Meryl Streep told students at Barnard: There is no normal, only change.

Only change.


.

Holiday

Hallelujah, it's time for a break, albeit for a week.

We started off with a bang and bruise.

Son#3 got smacked with a stick (by accident) in gym class, and sports a gorgeous blue shiner.

We went to a pancake restaurant last night where Son#2 flapped his right foot inwards, spraining his ankle spectacularly.

He and I were in hospital until midnight last night.

Then the morning started off well until Son#3, out of the blue, vomited all over the comforter on my bed, and over my bedroom floor.

Sometimes it just sucks being an adult (I said to myself whilst scraping vomit out of the grooves between the floorboards).

Oh well.

At least we don't have to go anywhere.

.

I'm just letting off steam

The new job has been 'interesting'.

I'll be honest.

This is not some Michelle Pfeiffer movie where the pretty and tenacious teacher blows new educational life into deprived youths.

It didn't 'gel' with 3 of the 8 groups.

The director is a weak and egotistical man.

I told him that no, I will not be teaching said 3 classes (life's too short), but here we are now, 1 week later and I seem to be teaching 2 of the 3 again.

Meanwhile the husband is in a deep depression.

Son#2 was beaten with sticks by FIVE classmates (he managed to bite one of the little bastards), and has been recalcitrant and defiant ever since.

I, of course, complained to the highest echelons of our village school.

Son#3 is on multiple pairs of pants a day again.

Son#1 has been tested for IQ and whatnot.

He is very, VERY gifted but with a serious attention deficit disorder.

His teacher is reluctant to send him to a higher level school, going against the advice of the developmental specialist's findings.

Tomorrow it is work in the morning, Son#1's orthopedic surgeon and then his therapist in the afternoon.

The husband is going to a family birthday party with my in-laws (I wasn't invited) and my father-in-law is slowly losing his marbles.

Life in our nut house/shell.

.

True Story

I survived the first day of lessons at my new job.

I feel like getting an 'I-made-it!!' tattoo on my forehead.

8 hours of solid teaching, and I came home and sat on the stairs until the husband fetched my slippers.

This is self-flaggelation but I need to know (after nearly 4 years of uselessness) what I am capable of.

What was that?

Curiosity killed the cat?

.

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy

I woke up with terrible pain in my left foot (utterly Daniel Day-Lewis, don't you think?) and left leg.

Eventually Son#3 and I hobbled to the hospital, thinking it must be a lung embolism waiting to happen.

Life isn't that exciting (thank goodness), and it turned out to be a boring-but-painful heel spur.

Yes, compadres.

I have a spur.

How much more Cowboy can one get?

The weekend was fine-ish.

Son#2 got a toolbox with tools that now sleeps next to his bed plus a metal detector for his birthday.

Happy birthday Bucky!

What a long time 9 years is (and what a different person I am now).

We are looking for a house exchange in Canada for the summer, if ticket prices can stay on the low side.

The husband was in a funk for most of the day and so was Son#1.

I applied for jobs closer to home, cleaned the house and cooked my lunches for the coming week, all on one foot. 

It will be a busy week.

.

Our Week So Far

Son#2 will be 9 on Saturday!

It's been a rough and tumble week with work, tummy bugs, the flu and a birthday party in the mix.

Come on, Weekend.

We need you.

.

Twisting

I have a new (temporary) job.

40 km from home, through inevitable traffic.

It is temporary, and at a vocational college where 98% of the largely adolescent student population are either on file at child welfare or have some serious learning disability.

There are security guards and safety procedures.

Students dealing in drugs and getting arrested for house robberies.

I had no idea that this world existed.

Not really...

I will have to see how my weary body will handle this.

I got through my shell-shocked first week.

At night I am so tired that I sway like a drunkard and the husband sends me to bed.

It is not the intellectual world of the university, but I knew this when I quit.

At home, Son#2 is kicking and screaming.

Everything is NO.

I feel very sad about it.

We all have colds and feel pants, and my fever is climbing again.

But hallelujah, Monday is a day off next week. 

Lo-ve-ly.

.

Heartless

Son#1 and I skipped his school this morning for a quiet and companionable breakfast in Breda.

Then we were off to hospital.

Son#1's hypermobility syndrome could cause heart problems.

Luckily all was well.

The boy has a heart after all, haha.

Meanwhile in my mind, I feel quite lost and lonesome, and completely devoid of any direction in life.

A decade at the university gave me purpose.

All of a sudden, with no work, I am adrift with no clear destination.

I am overqualified to teach at high schools, and too inexperienced.

I alternate between joy and despair.

Who would have thought.

.

Some people

What a beautiful day it was, crisp and clear blue skies despite the bitter frost.

I did the groceries then stopped by the Amer river for an impromptu short walk. 

It was simple, lovely.

So quiet that you can hear birds, listen to the water lapping the rocks.

The boys plus friend came home for lunch.

I made a cheesecake and watched a movie, then Son#3 and I built a Moon Oscillator with Lego.

God only knows what that might be.

(And by Jove! Astronauts need a coffee percolator!!)

Tomorrow Donald Trump will be the 45th president and the thinking world will despair.

The devolution of mankind continues its stiff pace.

.

FrostFrost

I watch movies and read all day.

I love it.

Love my freedom, as long as it may last.

I had a job interview at a very nice school last week, but the hours are long and whether I'll be able to work that much, I just don't know.

Whatever happens will be fine.

Meanwhile the temperature hovers around minus 3 today.

The cat and I are tucked in under a blanket.

.

Frozen, the reality show

Our last day in the Ardennes.

We'll leave tomorrow around noon.

We drove to Bastogne to a military museum where the boys had enormous fun.

Now we're home again, and the temperature hasn't risen above minus 5 all day.

We saw 7 deer running in a line across a field into the woods.

The woods are frozen and white, magically pure.

We want to go home, but we don't want to go home to our lives.

Tomorrow we'll see Louise The Cat again, and that's just dandy.

.

Bouillon

A lovely drive to Bouillon.

We went to the castle (nobody around!).

The husband scared the bejesus out of Son#1 and #3, hiding in dark corners.

It ended  in tears but the husband, Son#2 and I laughed our socks off.

Beautiful views.

We went looking for a pizza restaurant but they were all closed and the natives were getting restless.

We stopped at a viewpoint high above the Semois, not a soul in sight.

Home again, with Son-of-Satan Son#3, and petty fights, missing gloves & near frostbite.

Early to bed, I beg you.

Tomorrow is our last full day.

We might go to Bastogne (there is a war museum), or to Luxembourg again to go ice skating.

.

Oompa Loompas in the snow

It snowed during the night.

The boys (self) managed to separate themselves from technological gadgets and hit the snow.

They rolled downhill, made snow angels, cried because of the cold, spat snow at each other and had snowball fights with the husband.

We're driving to Bouillon in a little while.

My dad loved Bouillon.

It is beautiful here, and quiet enough so one gets the opportunity to think again.

And daydream.

.

Peace on Earth

It has been a quiet day in the Ardennes.

We made the mistake of going to the supermarket to look for yummy snacks but our blissful family joy deteriorated into Son#1 and #2's fighting in public.

People queuing at the till turned and stared.

Sigh.

At least we got Port.

Solace for sore minds and hearts.

And the husband referred to me as Yoda.

Mmmmmm.

Tomorrow, Bouillon and Sedan.

All the snow melted today (it was 2 degrees),

but tomorrow we shall freeze our sizable behinds off.

.

Busy busy busy

First the European Space Agency yesterday, with Moon/Mars walks and a 90-minute tour during which our boys were well-behaved.

It's well worth the visit.

Today we drove to Luxembourg where we ice skated on a Christmassy square.

Then we drove on to Trier, where we went up the 2000 year old Porto Nigra.

A short walk into town (cheap drugstores!!!), gluhwein and a dodgy dinner with gluhwein.

It is cold here - during the day the temperature hovers around minus 2.

Son#1 is being dramatically teenager-like ('Mum! Why must you ruin EVERYTHING?') and Son#2 should just be renamed: 'Contrary' suits him better (and I'm being very mild now).

We have the inevitable fights in cars about idiotic things like who has to sit in the middle or who farted.

This leads to swearing/biting/hitting and explosive parents.

When it passes again, one feels quite changeable and psychotic.

Tomorrow, a day of rest, thankyouverymuch.

.

Cold climes

We drove through a forest.

Every branch is frozen, covered in sterling frost.

Then on to Arlon where we walked around until I couldn't feel my face or my feet.

The husband said he now knows what I would look like with a frozen Botox-ed face.

And it ain't pretty.

.

The morning after & new beginnings

We are in the Belgian Ardennes.

The people we exchanged with arrived safely at our place but 5 hours behind schedule and without the mother/wife.

We think they may have had a fight in the car en route to the Netherlands.

And travelling in cars with children is harrowing - distilled moodiness in confined, inescapable places.

But here we are.

The first day of 2017.

It was the first time ever that all of us were awake for New Year's Eve.

The husband lit fireworks with the boys outside until Things 1 and 2 started shouting 'shut the *bleep* up' in quiet, sedate Belgium.

It is minus 3 now, which is better than the minus 10 we had yesterday.

No snow yet, just frost.

Son#1 lives increasingly in his own technological world.

Son#2 swears like a seasoned sailor with mood swings to boot.

Son#3's major sin is singing non-stop.

He is mild and easy-going.

The husband and I will change careers this year.

Rethink life.

Live for the moment and not some anxiety-ridden fear of the future and past.

Slow down, we moved too fast.

Have a GOOD 2017!

.