Light

I need to clean the house but I don't want to.

We are all cranky and tired today.

It is Winter Solstice.

Tomorrow Son#3 is off school, but then has a school musical which the parents aren't allowed to watch. 

Son#1's class will go to Breda to donate money to a good cause.

The boys have their Xmas dinner in the evening and then I'll go to the philharmonic with a friend.

It's a busy time of the year, and more so because of the home exchange next week.

Son#1 complains of boredom, opponents in online games, 'frienemies' at school.

I have yet to do Christmas shopping (and then mainly because I have to wait for my salary).

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War and Peace

We drove to the military museum in Overloon.

Most of the town was wiped out during World War 2.

We watched the movies, saw the faces of strife, the weapons of war.

A lot of what was said back then, echoes again today.

Innocent people are used as collateral damage.

Heartbreaking.

Son#1 is turning Teenager on us.

He's been unapproachably angry since yesterday.

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Highs and Lows

It's not all fun and games, you know.

I signed away my career today.

Tomorrow I'll drop the contract in the mail and that will be that.

The high is that I feel in my gut that it's the right decision.

The low is that I've spent almost a third of my life at the university and that it strangely (or not so strangely) became a part of my identity.

Now I have to go out and find a whole new identity.

Scary!!

But also:

Exciting!!!

A conundrum, certainly.

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Yeeee haaa!

I never thought it would feel THIS good to finally leave the university.

I had a talk with my boss and as of today, I don't have to go to the office anymore.

Free!

Freedom!!!
Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

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Cliffhanger

Miss, I know that I can't write neatly but that doesn't bother me one bit, potato.

Sigh, Obstinate Son#2 strikes again.

We gave up on him changing out of his pajamas yesterday.

Honestly, it's not worth the fight.

It is Monday morning yet again, and I am still at the university.

I have a meeting with my boss later on to discuss my career's cheerful demise which will hopefully be today (haha).

We are off to the Ardennes just before New Year's, and there is still a lot to be done to get the house ship-shape.

I took Thursday off so Son#1 and I can go to the clinical geneticist.

Tomorrow I have a course on dyslexia and language acquisition.

(But I might just skip that and sleep late, mwoohahahaha)
What are they going to do?
Fire me???

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On ne vas

Sunday night, early to bed (and early to rise, because - let's face it - Motherhood).
It is COLD in the Nether Lands.
My car has been wrapped in frost all day, despite glorious sunshine.
The cold is another reason to go to bed early.
It was so cold that even the fireplace couldn't produce enough hot air to push the cold air out of the chimney.
Result: smoke alarms and smoke-filled house.

Our weekend (edit: MY weekend - the husband slept through all drama AND slept late, grrrrrrr) started off with a vomiting Son#2, nightmarish Son#1 and bloodied nose of Son#3, caused by Son#1.
Sigh.
It improved somewhat after that.
Tomorrow it is work again, which doesn't seem to reach a conclusion.
Universe!!
I am moving on!!!
My sojourn in purgatory is not good for my mental state.

But it is also Sinterklaas, and the husband will come home early so we can surprise the kids with a small heap of gifts.

We have been to see the orthopedic surgeon for Son#1's scoliosis and hypermobility syndrome.
Thank the gods, he has the benign form of scoliosis (where the muscles can be strengthened to support the skeleton), not the bad kind (bendy bones, nothing you can do about it).
Clinical geneticist on the 15th.
The hypermobility is a permanent fixture and we need to rethink sport choices (i.e. no rugby but yes to swimming?).

I need a gazillion bucks so I can buy a plane ticket for my mom to come visit.
And I would like a nice new job.
Thank you very, very much.


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Well, then

It's been a tough week.
The husband bumped up against an alpha male in a job interview, leaving him flabbergasted and us perplexed.

Negotiations at work continue for me, but I'm tired now - it has to get concluded now.
This stuck-in-nowhereland feeling is not for me.
I like clarity and direction.

My uncle in the States is going for neurosurgery tomorrow to remove two golf ball-sized tumours from his right temporal lobe.

Now it's 4 a.m. on Sunday morning.
Son#1 woke from a nightmare so we came downstairs to drink tea.
The cat snoozes next to me.
My uncle's news leaves me very, very sad.


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(Non) Psycho Killer

Who knew that not all cats are homicidal assholes?
And why weren't we informed?

Louise with-her-camp-name is simply lovely.
She snoozes in my neck, chews on my hair.
She gets picked up all the time by all of us, yet we haven't lost eyeballs.
There is no blood oozing from fresh scratches.
It might just be part of her evil plot, luring us in ever so gently, then BAM! she'll go for the jugular.

But so far so gooooood.


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I can go home in 45 minutes

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But I don't want to

This week will probably see the end of my career at the university, possibly stretching it another week.

And even though I know it is what I want (need!), I feel overcome by grief.
It is a profound loss, like a divorce.

I actually like my colleagues - I am surrounded by intelligence and humour, lots of kindness.
I used to think I would probably continue working there until I retired.
Things are very often different to one's expectations.
I have little control of the future, professionally and privately. 
And if anyone tells me to try to think in terms of opportunity as opposed to obstacle again, I may just very well smack them.

I need to wallow for a bit, mull and chew, see where all this fits in.
Then I'm sure I'll be able to buck up again.


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