I once got a bookmark while still at university.
It said 'Be Productive Today'.
I still have it somewhere.
I woke up with terrible pain in my hands, but then my mother and I started looking at dream houses in the Karoo and next thing I knew, there was an easel in the dining room.
The SupPORT helped too (may the gods bless alcohol).
The new painting is already hanging in the living room.
Now rugby on the tv, and the boys almost ready to go to bed.
Exhausting yet Productive day.
I'm just glad my hands held fast.
.
I have to share Son#1's art.
Here is 'Pooping Cheetah, headless chicken'.
Gotta love him to bits.
Medical tests continue.
I spoke to a doctor today who told me that my story made her 'a bit sad'.
Illness brings loneliness.
Vast loneliness.
She thinks that my mystery illness is an AWOL on my body's side.
Too much work & stress at home and at work.
The proverbial bucket is empty.
Adrenal glands probably shot to smithereens.
Recovery???, I asked.
No less than a year.
I'm still hoping to (finger) point to some external cause - it cannot be my bodily fed-up-o-meter that has reached its zenith, surely!
I can't physically manage ALL stressors??
What do you mean 'limits'???
Ri-di-cu-lous.
.
Life out in the Styx has been groovy and quiet.
It is simply WONDERFUL having my mother here: my self- confidence returned with a vengeance.
School gallops ahead, the boys are busy but content.
My continued illness (38.9 degree fevers, pain, stiffness, too tired for words) is a concern.
Should I try and keep my job?
Is it the job causing all the problems?
Should I cut and run (like hell)?
I lack concentration & energy.
Next month an appointment with an immunologist at an academic hospital.
I am not holding my breath any longer.
The fact is that I might and will probably NEVER know what is wrong with me.
But there is room for good things too.
A quick breakfast with my mum.
Feeling calm and peaceful despite the turmoil that being chronically ill can bring.
I'm a better mother.
My kids seem to love me despite my faults.
The husband thinks I'm pretty damn cool.
My employer seems to want to keep me on the payroll.
I have a student trying to march me to the exam commission after she failed a course for the 3rd time, but it leaves me unaffected.
We have fire.
And supPORT.
Life or circumstances are far, FAR from ideal.
But it could all be quite crap, and it isn't.
Small, grand mercies.
.
Life is calm with my mother here.
The husband and I go out often.
To the movies (While we're young - too Woody Allen-ish, not my taste).
Last night we went for a drive looking for a cheap bite, and ended up at a Chinese restaurant in the next village.
Deeeelicious.
Son#3 is playing hooky.
It's been an adjustment for the kids, this school-rules-and-conformity business.
I have a meeting with my boss next week.
The GP told me that I will most certainly NOT be better in 2 months' time.
She is still convinced that this physical breakdown is stress, and I am finally willing to accept it.
The sun is shining, and I'm sitting under a blanket, warm and snug.
My car has petrol in it, and there is still money to buy groceries with, despite my salary having dropped with a whopping 20% this month.
We have so much, and it is enough.
All problems will be resolved.
Small steps.
.
