Tiny steps

This morning, I took the boys to school on the bikes.
They have a Circus-day at school, and as I left, I saw someone wheel in a popcorn machine.
Too cool.

I've been feeling very down and low the last few days.
I worry about my dad and his enormous amounts of pain.
Last night he took the morphine for the first time, but I don't know if it brought relief?
His lungs are still fluid-filled, and he needs to cough to expel it.
Immeasurable pain.
Wish I could carry it for you, Dad.

I also worry about my little nuclear family here in the Nether Lands.
The husband has too much stress.
I'm no better, and we keep wondering when life will get to be good.
Does it ever?
Or should we accept that this is it?
I don't know.
I keep waiting to finally grow up (nearing 40, ahem), and for Life to Start.
In Buddhism, it is believed that expectation is the root of all heartache.
Perhaps they're right.
Perhaps life is just mindful moments strung together.

Right now, the only value my life has, is the love that I feel.


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