Dark days

The weather has turned even more, tilting the temperatures downwards.

The husband has gone to his parents', dropping off the presents for the boys for Sinterklaas next week.

Son#1 went to his best friend, and Sons#2 and#3 and I are baking apples in the oven, to be devoured with custard in a little while.

I have wine and studied most of the morning, the boys milling about my feet, underfoot with Lego and big ideas.

I miss my mother with a vengeance, and want to be with her, thinking that it will bring my dad back to me.

My throat gets all lumpy when I think of him, my eyes blur.

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Rest well

My blood tests and x-rays came back normal, thank goodness.

I was getting worried.

The GP has no idea why my fever persists but thinks that exhaustion is the most likely culprit.

I took a sleeping tablet at 19h00 - and I do adore my drugs, haha.

We'll see how it goes.

Son#1 has gone to Gouda for a rugby tournament, Son#2 and #3 baked muffins with me and I'm sitting down for the first time today, and it's already noon.

This time next week I'll be strolling through Kopenhagen with my friend Estelle.

I can't wait.

My weekend is calm otherwise.

I have new courses to occupy a restless mind.

There are classes and courses to prepare for at work.

And the backlog of cleaning jobs in the house is shocking.

This will be saved for another day.

A.k.a. never.

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C'est Le Weekend: Discomfort zone

One can get addicted to stress, assuming it is the only way in which to survive & live.
But there is a flip-side of this dirty , dirty coin, which is simply calm and rejecting all that is stressful.

The pneumonia has felled my temper with the boys.
I've actually been nice to them.
I think it is really the fact that I've been away from work that has tempered my moods, and this is key:  Work is the one factor that will change, as soon as is damn-well possible.

One can continue long into a discomfort zone, not realizing the effect of the stressor nor even the possibility of living differently.
But I do.

I'm on my 11th day of fever.
In a mad rush, I had to have lung x-rays taken last night and will have blood tests this morning.
The doctor must think it's serious: I'm getting the results before 5 p.m. - a miracle in itself in the Nether Lands.

Rejecting stress: check.
Calm: check.




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Conflicting interests

The bad talk I had with my boss 2 weeks ago, seems to have a bit of a tail.
Because I called in sick with this dreaded pneumonia on Friday, he contacted our company doctor to call me in for an assessment of sorts.
This has never happened to me before.
I spoke to the doctor over the phone, told her all about my continuing fever, my second round of antibiotics since the first didn't do the trick and that she could contact my GP if she wanted to.
The doctor told me my aim of going back to work this coming Monday was commendable but unrealistic and that she was giving me an extra week off work just to get better.
Smirk, smirk.

Even the doctor mentioned that she felt something else was at play here, that there were bad feelings involved.
I told her those feelings weren't coming from my side: I just have pneumonia.
Ha.

But.
It highlights the fact that my time there is coming to a close.
I will spend my week wisely, methinks.

Lao Tzu is an old favourite.
But new beginnings scare the bejesus out of me, especially when I wonder where in the world I will EVER fit in, and will I?
I get hermits.
I get moving to Alaska's wilds and never speaking to another human being again.
And I'm sad to say that this is the only reason why I regret having children:  the never-ending perpetuating cycle of human anguish.
People are hyenas.
If you're weak, they will get you.
And I don't like feelings like these.


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Watch out, world

 

Growth, growth, growth.

 

 

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Bonbonjour

It's back to the GP for me too.

The husband still has pneumonia and I'm afraid it will be the same for me.

All the kids will be at school, though, and that will be blissful.

The good mother has spoken.

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Tropicality

Nighttime was short and interrupted, thanks to Son#3.

It's scary to wake up from a melatonin-induced coma to a Chucky-like figure - replete with curls - standing next to your bed, staring at you in the dark.

I didn't sleep much after midnight.

 

 

The husband remains pale and tired. 

He's going back to the doctor this afternoon.

I still have a fever.

It's a nasty virus this year.
 

The boys have a day off from school.

I sent them to the one and only shop in our village to buy bread and sweets, and it's not even 10 o'clock yet.

I'm going to try doing a wee bit of work, but mostly look at my new courses that I enrolled for at 3 a.m.

 

 

What is this insatiable need of mine to fill each and every second with productivity?

A year alone on an island would do me a world of good.

Just to learn how to enjoy quietude again.
To have nothing to do.

Many things I pile on myself (like the studying), but most are not self-imposed.
Most things are necessary actions that someone needs to do.
I just wish someone else would do these things once in a while.

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Living on a prayer

I'm deliciously back in bed after fixing breakfast and baking muffins with Son#1 and #3.

I have a nice 39 degree buzz going.

I applied for that great job yesterday.

Think I'll start spreading my CV around a bit, and see what else turns up.

This afternoon, Sinterklaas arrives in our village.

Apparently it's our dentist from the neighbouring village.

And then I'll have to go to the shops to sort out the Sinterklaas gifts for Son#1 and #2.

Kids are expensive!!

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C'est Le Weekend: Afflicted but happy

Although Son#2 and I both went to the doctor's this morning and both came away with pneumonia and some feisty antibiotics, we're quite serene.
All 5 of us have now had/have pneumonia or bronchitis.
Swell.

On the spur of the moment, I bought one of my friend Roelie's paintings. 
And I mean 'bought' because technically, I'll have to wait until Christmas to pay for it.
It's yellow and makes me happy.

The doctor told me to stay home next week, and I think I'll follow her advice.
The weekend ahead is quiet, but I miss having something to study, as odd as that may seem.

The husband feels depressed and sick, always a bad combo.
But the sun is shining.
We have a medical aid to pay for doctors' visits and medicine.
There is food in the house.
I miss the sick days of my youth, when I could just be sick.
Just BE.
Now being sick is just another damn thing to do.

Son#1 is in a good mood so far, and that makes life easy as pie.
Thank our lucky stars.


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Feeling hot, hot, hot

My fever hovers around 39 degrees, but I feel only tired, not particularly awful.
I went to work to tie up loose ends, then drove home to help ferry kids from Son#1's class to a museum nearby.

By 5 o' clock I had had a shower, and now I'm counting the minutes until I can chuck Son#3 in the shower then quietly disappear along with him to bed.
The poor husband's fever is returning.
We've been better, I can tell you.

Tomorrow I'm applying for a super job.
The husband gave me an empowering peptalk last night and I walked into my office with my head held high.
The crowning touch was a very good student evaluation for the courses I taught in the first quarter, making me smirk with satisfaction.
The words 'eat my shorts' are on the tip of my tongue.
Biding my time, boohahaha....